"Everything I Do Turns Out Wrong"

Anytime life’s frustrations cause your mindset to be “Everything I do is wrong” or “Nothing I do turns out like I want it to”, there may be a simple solution. Whatever your natural tendency is (to do) in a situation, do the opposite.

What you’ve learned and are conditioned to do will be your default behavior. It will always feel like the right thing to do – even though it may not necessarily be. And if your (typical) impulse for everything you do leads you to negative (or wrong) results, then why not try doing the opposite? I agree that this may seem very unorthodox and may not make too much sense right now, but don’t discount it until you’ve tried it a few times. It may work well for you.

Thinking and acting opposite from your norm has the potential of changing your life. When you have a challenge in front of you or you have thoughts bombarding you with feelings of hopelessness, doom, failure or even death, try replacing those thoughts with the exact opposite thoughts. Whatever your normal reaction would be at that moment, do the exact opposite!

Stop, breathe, think and then begin to meditate on the opposite thought. For example, instead of crying in despair, go watch a funny TV show that makes you laugh. Instead of getting in bed and being sad, go for a walk in the sunshine. Instead of responding with a fiery email, reply back with nice words. Instead of calling a friend to complain, search for and read a few bible verses that tell of how God made you more than a conqueror.What you do at these critical times will make you or break you. When you’re facing one of those decisions that normally turns out “wrong” for you, try doing something totally against your natural/typical response.

Many decisions you think you're making - you're really not. It's your underlying belief (foundational) system that's making the decision for you - even before you've had an opportunity to consider the options.

This topic reminds me of a TV sitcom episode where one of the characters decides to do everything opposite of the way he would normally do them. His life hadn’t been too successful, so he figures he has nothing to lose. Well, when he begins to make decisions and do things opposite of the way he would typically do them, he begins to have success in every area of his life. His attitude gets better, he gets a great job, people begin to like him and he finally gets a girlfriend! My point in mentioning this silly, fabricated story is that maybe something needs to change for you. The key word is change. Have you ever considered that what you’ve been doing for the last 10, 20 or 50 years may not be working because you’re doing the wrong thing? You just do what you’ve always done because (obviously) that’s you, right? That’s what you do! But if you do what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always got. You’re doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. If my study habits during the first semester garnered me a “C” in the class, I shouldn't expect those same study habits to result in an “A” in the second semester.

On the other side of every negative thought is the Holy Spirit whispering a positive one. Hope and peace depends on which one we listen to and heed.

Do the opposite. It’s a very simple thing to do; the challenge is in doing it. Are you willing to get “punched in the face” and instead of punching back, turn the other cheek? Are you willing to give the tough love instead of coddle the needy person? Are you willing to not do what your typical self is screaming to do? Therein lies your answer. Therein lies the change you seek.

If nothing ever changes, then nothing ever changes. God is not complicated. He’s made things so simple for us that we miss it. Try doing the opposite. And even if doing the opposite is not the “perfect” response for the situation, it may help in changing your mindset to get you closer to the thoughts and reactions that result in better life outcomes.

WayneTolbert.com

A Word on Suicide

It is such a negative situation when life’s pressures become so heavy upon a person that he gets to the point where he believes (or considers) that ending his life is the best alternative to relieving the pain.  He has taken so many of life’s pressures onto himself and is relegated to the notion that the situation won’t get any better. He looks to himself to handle the problems, come up with solutions, and if he doesn't see or believe a change is coming, he becomes hopeless. He sees no reason at all for living.  

And I can see exactly why this person would consider suicide. God didn’t build us to handle all of the pressures of life. God built us to lean on Him – on His Word.

He wants us to change and renew our minds so that what used to be pressures to us are now just opportunities to show that we believe Him and that He will carry us through those tough situations. We die to self and He becomes our life support. Isn’t that what suicide is – dying to (or killing) your “self” to get rid of the pain? You see, before we were born, God had already devised the solution to any suicidal situation and any suicidal thoughts we might face. 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20) 

Suicidal thoughts encourage you to kill yourself. But understand that God already wanted you to die to self. 

Because He wants you alive in Christ. That’s the best way to truly live. 

 

Is It Really "Your" Life?

Consider for a moment that this life you’re living – is not actually yours. I mean, it’s not yours in the sense we typically think of when we say that. Your life was given to you to be in charge of - to manage, but it doesn’t belong to you.  You were birthed through your biological parents, but God imparted the life, the breath, and the spirit.

• I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

This is a basic realization we need to come to - we had nothing to do with our life or how we came to be. Really think about that. If you own something (if it’s yours), there was some means of you gaining possession of it. Either you purchased it, you worked for it, you won it, or it was given to you. None of these are applicable when it comes to your life. You may even say your dad and mom gave you life, but that wouldn’t be true either. You were birthed into this world through your biological mother and father, but life was not theirs to give. They merely provided the physical attributes necessary to initiate the formation of a human body. Life was given (at some point) inside the womb.

We automatically assume this life we’re living is ours – that we own this life we’re living inside of this body. But how did you get life? The physical attributes of a fetus can be formed, but what tells the heart to start beating? Where does LIFE really come from? You’ve been thinking all of these years that this is MY life and have never even questioned it. Yes, this life is yours to manage, to watch over while you’re here on this earth, but not from the aspect of “I can do whatever I want to with it.”

Look at it this way, you’re given a job with a company, but you don’t own the job. You’re given the job and have the responsibility to carry out the duties your supervisor and the company set forth. You can say it’s your job, but in actuality, it belongs to the company. It’s not your job to do with it whatever you want – only what the company needs you to do. If you did anything you desired with your job, you would promptly get fired. And when you leave the job (or get fired), you don’t take the job with you. Why not? Because it’s not yours. The mission and duties of that job are still resident with that company. Your replacement (the new employee) will have to carry out that work.  So using this analogy, the same way you are given a job or employment with a company, you were given a life. Your Boss (God) desires that you carry out a mission.

This one realization of “it’s not my life” can change the way you approach every day from now on. Maybe you’ve been approaching this thing called life the wrong way? Who are we to think that we own this invisible, eternal spirit and personality that was given to us? Did we all of sudden decide that we were going to be born?

So, if you had nothing to do with the origin of your life, why do you now say that it’s yours and you can do with it what you want?

Why would you presume that you are the one who decides how this life is supposed to be lived? And if you choose to believe that this is your life and can live it however you want to, it may be a sad day when on your death bed, you realize that you may have been wrong.

• Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. (1 Cor 6:19)

When you begin to live the life you were given as it was meant to be lived, you will discover true satisfaction, contentment, purpose and most of all peace. That is when you will truly begin to live life.

• For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. (Matthew 16:25)

Life Is Not Fair

The sooner we grasp and embrace the truth that life is not fair – the better off we will be in living our lives.

We all hope that we’ll have a wonderful childhood, grow up in a great home, graduate from school, get a good job, get married, maybe have children (even grandchildren), retire, and live out a full life on this earth. But we quickly find out that this may be far from the way life unfolds. Negative things happened in your childhood that you had no control over. You got bullied or made fun of in school. You never got the job you really wanted and even if you did, it wasn’t what you expected. Then they laid you off because of budget cuts. You’re on your third marriage (because you feel you deserve to be happy) and are finding out you still have the same problems you faced in the first two. Your children grow up and don’t visit you as often as you’d like. And after working your entire life, you end up not having nearly enough money to retire. Of course, this is not everyone’s story, but my point is that no one’s life goes exactly like they think it should and we all end up making mistakes, getting the short end of the stick and getting bumps and bruises along the way. And even if you got to do and receive everything you wanted in life, there will be some peace missing somewhere. You’ve given your all and done everything you know to do, but it just doesn’t seem to be working out. Yes, life is just not fair. But who ever said it was supposed to be?

Maybe your definition of a fair life is incorrect. Maybe fairness in life is determined by the Person who gave you the life. Remember, it isn't YOUR life anyway.

• I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

It's not our life. And since we don’t hold the keys to life itself and we did not originate our purpose for being on the earth, maybe we should let someone else determine what is fair. The Originator (or Manufacturer) may be working things out behind the scenes of which we know nothing. So our responsibility is to keep pressing forward and stay focused on finding and executing our God-given purpose of serving others.

When life gets tough or seems unfair, you will need the foundational mindset that “God is with me and I’ll be okay”. When you lose that mindset, life immediately becomes difficult, hard to understand, and hopelessness creeps in. But you can do this. You can do this because God on your side. He, essentially, IS your life. And a life lived out in Him - will always be fair.

Thoughts Are Important

You are a spirit, you have a mind (soul), and you live inside a body. Even though you are a spirit, the way you interact with the world is through your mind. So the thoughts that reside in your mind are very important because they are how you interpret life. Life does not happen independently of your mind; your mind is essentially your life. You cannot have a life experience without the mind. The mind is the creator and interpreter of your life’s experiences.

"Everything you do – begins with a thought".

What you think determines your life. We typically think that life happens to us; but really, life is happening because of us. Events, situations, and relationships that occur over the course of our life and how we respond to them helps us to develop our mindset. Then that mindset (or thought life) is portrayed in everything we do. For example, peaceful people don’t initiate wars. Their mindset is such that they will seek and settle for a peaceful agreement. Whereas angry people are more likely to initiate wars. War doesn’t occur separate from people; war is caused by people. So, the mindset of the person causes the life experience.

You may have wrong thinking going on and not realize it. We all have within us the potential for good or bad - it’s our decision which side we want to live on. And sometimes we switch sides (back and forth). There has to be a daily effort to corral our thoughts and keep our minds focused on the positive and what can go right in this life. It needs to be done in everything we think, say and do. This is how we manage our mind. And sometimes the mind requires retraining to a more correct or desirable mindset. The mind must get into a new pattern in order to create new thinking. It won’t correct itself. There has to be a deliberate choice and continued effort to do so. Why? Because the mind maybe so used to its routine that it may not even know it’s involved in wrong thinking. It can see the wrong thinking as normal.

The average mind is believed to have 20,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day! Yes, that’s right – there’s a lot going on inside that head of yours. And research and studies show that 80% of thoughts are negative, and 90% are repetitive. Wow! That amounts to a whole bunch of negative thinking going on everyday all around the world. The majority of the thoughts processed by your brain are based on your intuition (intuitive thinking) and happen instantaneously and effortlessly based on your experiences. The other type of thinking is called rational thinking which is directed, conscious reasoning. We need to manage all of these thoughts or our mindset can get out of control quickly.

Taking It Personal

Here’s an anonymous quote:

“The bad news is, you cannot control people and make them like you, accept you, understand you or be nice to you. The good news is, it doesn’t matter.”

That’s a pretty good quote. The only problem with it is – most of the time, we do allow it to matter.

Consider a person who is always insulting others, or someone even as extreme as a bully. It’s very easy (and even normal) to take this kind of behavior personal. But realize that a bully is always hiding something. Even though their actions are aimed at you, they are really covering up an insecurity or weakness. They are saying “I feel like a loser inside – like I have nothing going for me and in order for me to feel better about myself, I have to put you down which in turn lifts me up a little higher”. They do this so much that it becomes ingrained in their personality. When you’re being treated wrong by someone and it’s not your fault, know that they are going through struggles, having a bad day, or even having a bad life. Of course, that doesn’t excuse what they’re doing or make it right, but what it does is help their behavior not get to you and affect your temperament. It helps you not to take it personal. They don’t get to put their stuff on you, but it’s up to you to not let that happen. Don’t accept the bad thoughts. Because the minute you grab onto it and take it personal, it begins to mess up your mindset and the rest of your day, week and sometimes year.

No one can truly ruin our life – we do that ourselves. People may do or say negative things to us, but our life gets ruined when we accept that what they told us is true. Then we began acting and living in a manner that brings on the destructive results (as a response). It may be true that they lied and probably did some things to you that were not fair, but you are the one who decides to accept those things in your mind, keep them there for a prolonged period of time, and allow them to become a part of you. So, please practice not taking things personal. And it takes practice! Keep your mind intact and set on what God needs you to do. Don’t take personal what others may do to you, but do take personal the responsibility of how you respond to what they did.   

“The way you feel has nothing to do with the way I feel; UNLESS I let it”.

A Thought...is Just A Thought

A thought is just a thought – it’s not reality. Just because you’re thinking something doesn’t mean it’s truth.  I used to think that my thoughts were me. Meaning, I used to think that everything I thought – everything that went on in my mind - was me. After all, I was the one thinking those things. My brain is coming up with all of this stuff; it’s coming out of me, so it must be ME. I never realized that thoughts are just that – concepts developed in the space in between your ears – sometimes random, sometimes untrue.

How many times have you ever thought, “I’m gonna slap you right up side your head!” But you didn’t do it, did you? You arrested that thought, pushed it aside and replaced it with a better thought – maybe something like, “Calm yourself down - that person is probably having a bad day. I’m gonna take the mature path and just let this pass."

Anything on God’s green earth can come into your mind, and just because it does, doesn’t mean it’s you. Just because you “thunk the thought” doesn’t mean it belongs to you. And more importantly, just because the thought popped into your head doesn’t mean you have to accept it and own it. By own it, I mean:

• Think that thought again
• Think even more about that thought
• Lie down on your bed and meditate on that thought
• Imagine how it would be if that thought were true
• Add other similar thoughts to that thought
• Begin vocalizing that thought (tell people about it)
• Eventually, begin to act like that thought is reality

Soon you are walking around and living life as if that thought (that happened to pop into your mind) is a part of your life. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be something that you were supposed to keep and accept as a part of you for the rest of your life. And that is most likely true – especially if the thought is a negative one. You have to "mind" your mind. Arrest each thought! Don’t give the bad ones (ones you know are wrong or don't want) permission to reside in one of your most valuable spaces - the space between your ears. Because it is definitely true – you are what you think. Don't become something you're not supposed to be. A thought is just a thought until you accept and make it your own.

For as he thinks in his heart; so is he (Proverbs 23:7)